Silence
by lindsayandhalstead
Summary: Their fight begins and ends on a Tuesday.


**A/N: I'm not sure if I really manage to convey how much your feedback means to me, but anyway, please keep it coming, and I'll keep these (old and new) coming as well.**

* * *

 **Tuesday**

Their fight happens on a Tuesday. It's a normal Tuesday, like any other day. Except it isn't.

They don't fight often. In fact they have never had a big fight. Sure, they bicker about stuff all the time, how he never gets to drive, or how she leaves her clothes all over the place. But that doesn't really count as fighting, since it usually ends up in a fit of laughter, or even better, between the sheets. Sometimes they have a bad day and they tell the other one off, but by now, they know when to give each other space and when to push the other to let them in.

This time is different. She thinks he's being unreasonable. Hank is her family, and of course she's going to worry about him and help him in any way she can.

"He's dragging you down with him!"

"That's nonsense, Jay. Even if he was, I can't just abandon him when he needs me. He saved my life," she replied calmly, but he can tell that she's getting angrier by the way her voice gets a bit deeper.

"That's no reason for you to take the fall for him. He did what he did, or he didn't. I don't know, because you won't tell me. That's fine. I'm not even sure I want to know. But that's not the point. The point is he needs to sort this out for himself. And you need to take a step back, because you could lose your job or be charged as an accessory to whatever he did."

"I'm the only family he has left, Jay. Do you get that? Camille is dead. Justin is dead," her voice cracks, filled with grief and pain. But she swallows her tears and stands her ground.

"I'm not letting you spiral down again. I know what grief does to you Erin. I've seen it. I'm not going to watch you go down that path again. Do you get that?" His words come out harsher than intended, but he's not sorry. He means every word his said, even if the tone of delivering them was not the one he would have liked.

For some reason this sets her off more than the rest of his words did.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS?" She's shouting now, more upset than angry, but things are heating up and not in a hot way.

"I DON'T KNOW. BECAUSE YOU WON'T TALK TO ME!" His tone is exasperated, as he throws his hand in the air.

"I'M NOT DRINKING. I'M NOT DOING DRUGS. I'M FINE." Of course they both know she's not "fine" so it only makes him angrier with her, because that is part of the problem. She won't admit she's hurting and she's always "fine". He thought they were past that after she came back, but apparently they are not.

"Erin, I just want to be here for you," he tries to reason with her, but she's not having it. All the frustration of the past weeks is finding its way up to the surface.

"By telling me to take a step back from the only family I have left?"

He doesn't even pretend that the words don't hurt. They do. She realizes what she has said a second too late and tries to take it back. He shakes his head. "Don't."

"Why won't you just let me help you?" _Why won't you just let me love you?_

"BECAUSE I DON'T NEED HELP!"

They stare at each other for a minute. A thousand things are on his mind, but he doesn't say any of them. Instead, though that may be the most painful thing he has ever done, he picks up his keys and his jacket and walks out the door. He resists the urge to slam the door behind him, and leaves her standing in front of the now empty apartment, with too many things left unsaid, or maybe too many things said.

* * *

 **Wednesday**

"Alright, someone needs to go with Ruzek to check this guy out," Voight starts out and Jay stands up immediately. The whole unit stares as the boys leave the bullpen, everyone suddenly silent, their eyes turning to Erin. She shrugs in response, in that I-don't-know-what's-going-on way and returns to work. Jay hasn't said a word to her since he left her apartment last night. She did text him an hour after he left, after her anger had subsided down, to ask if he got home okay. His text came back a second later, saying nothing but "yes".

This was their first fight like this, a fight where they'd actually shouted and one of them stormed off, though Jay didn't exactly storm off. He just left. It bothers her to remember how calm he was. It hurts her to remember the pain in his eyes. She doesn't know how to act, what to do. When he comes to work in the morning, not speaking a work to her, she follows suit and doesn't say anything back.

A while later Voight asks her, if everything is okay with her and Halstead, and she gives him dismissive shrug and nods. It's nobody else's business but hers. Theirs.

For a second there, she thinks about the possibility of Jay leaving her, but she kicks that thought to the curb. They're just having a difference of opinions. Every couple fights. It's normal. It goes on like that all day, and when Voight finally sends them home she's exhausted. Jay stays to do the paper work and she doesn't even glance back as she drags herself home.

* * *

 **Thursday**

She's so tired. Though she doesn't like to admit it, she has gotten used to sleeping with him by her side and now the bed just feels so empty. She even tries sleeping on the couch, but the lack of his arms around her follows her there too. At around 4am of tossing and turning, she finally gives up and goes to the bullpen, intending to do some paperwork at least, to not let the time go to waste. She enters the quiet building, completely unprepared to find Jay's desk light on. He's buried in some file. He doesn't even notice her at first, and then he raises his eyes to meet hers for a second. For a second, she is sure he is going to say something, but he stays quiet, returning his attention to the file. She sits down and gets to work.

At least two other people are happy that day. Voight, because all the paperwork in order, and Ruzek, because Jay ran out of files and did his share too. The downside is, with no ongoing case, Voight sends them home early, which means back to tossing and turning.

* * *

 **Friday**

"Halstead and Lindsay, go to the hospital and interview the victim. Ruzek and Atwater, go to see if you can find anything else from the officers first on scene," Voight barks out orders before retreating himself to his office. He's apparently not happy, and apparently not speaking to Erin as well, which seems to be a habit with the men in her life lately.

The ride to the hospital is brutally quiet. She glances at him several times, but he never seems to be looking back, so she focuses on the road instead. He looks when she doesn't see.

She wants to say something. Anything. That she misses him. That his favourite team won in hockey last night. That she misses him. That Antonio came in today in the same clothes he wore yesterday. That she misses him. That this is ridiculous and she's so pissed off at him for giving her the silent treatment.

Then they're at the hospital and walking towards the room. They meet Will on the way and she gives him a lukewarm hello. At least she knows her voice is still working. She lets Jay talking with his brother while she goes and interviews the victim. A tender age child with multiple fractures. Lucky to be alive. It's easy to forget her problems and focus on work.

It what comes after the bad guys are caught that's the problem.

* * *

 **Saturday**

It's supposed to be her day off, but they all get called in when a little boy goes missing. They're asked for assistance by the missing persons unit, because of their knowledge of the area. She has a full head of thoughts. It's likely because of that, she doesn't see him coming. She walks right into his chest, mumbling an apology. She catches his scent, before even looking up, and realizes it's him. His arm automatically takes a hold of her arm, steadying her.

She's so ready for this fight to be over. If he had said anything, she would probably fall into his arms right then and there, but he lets go of her and walks away. It makes her head boil with anger. Two can play this game.

She hopes to avoid him for most of the day, except Voight keeps making them work together, so her day is a quiet torture. If it weren't for suspect interrogation, she would probably lose function of her vocal cords.

Antonio asks Voight why keep them working together, when it's obvious they're not even speaking, and he chuckles. "Just testing the level of their professionalism."

* * *

 **Sunday**

By Sunday Erin wants to shoot professionalism and run over it multiple times with her car.

The case stretches over the weekend, and they're all pushing to find the boy, hoping that when they do, he's still alive. She takes her anger out on a suspect, burning inside. She screams and intimidates and does what she's good at, until Antonio pulls her away, playing the good cop. It works though, and by five in the afternoon, the little boy is in his mother's arms and the bad guy is on his way to the morgue. Just another Sunday.

"We should go celebrate this. Molly's anyone?" Ruzek asks and they all say yes, even Jay. Erin shakes her head and apologizes herself. She meets his eyes and a sudden spark of desire rushes through her, and for a second she's sure he feels the same. He averts his eyes and she leaves without saying anything.

* * *

 **Monday**

She knew there must have been a reason everybody hates Mondays. She gets a call early in the morning from her friend at the DA's office. They're investigating Voight. It's a courtesy call, he says, as he explains that she will likely be under a spotlight as well. So Jay was right, not that she would ever admit that to him.

Her morning continues by fighting with Voight at the house, which continues with them fighting in his office.

"Now that's mom and dad fighting," Antonio says to Adam, who mentioned a while back that Jay and Erin not speaking feels like mom and dad fighting. Jay looks confused, and Adam laughs briefly, shutting right up, as if scared Voight will come yell at him next.

"Do we know what this is about?" Antonio shrugs and shakes his head. They all turn to Al, who speaks in a low voice. "DA is investigating them. That's all I know." Of course they all know that's not all he knows, but that's all he's allowed to share and they nod.

Erin emerges from Voight's office, looking quite furious and neither of them even pretends to be working. He doesn't say anything, but he does set a fresh cup of coffee on her desk, walking away before she can even manage to get out a thank you.

* * *

 **Tuesday**

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" She swears loudly. It's been a long day. Even a longer week. So when her car doesn't even make a sound when she turns her key in the ignition it takes all she has not to smash something against it.

She doesn't even see him, she believes he had already left, but his car stops next to hers and after a week of radio silence, he asks her if she needs a ride. She wants to yell at him, say no, continue being quiet, as he has for a whole week, but she misses him, and she feels like the world has defeated her, so she accepts.

They ride in silence, and though Erin loves the fact that they usually don't need to talk, and have that comfortable silence, she desperately wants to hear his voice, to fill the damn silence. She doesn't and she's about to say goodbye when he pulls in her parking lot, but he opens her door and walks with her into the building.

She fumbles with her keys, anger rising again. He can't just do that to her, just leave and stop speaking to her. They're together and they're supposed to be a team. She finally unlocks the door and he follows her inside. She's about to say something, and then she catches a glimpse of him, his eyes full of anger and something else. Lust.

A moment later he swears loudly, not unlike she did before, and she finds herself pushed back against a piece of furniture she's unable to identify. His lips crush down on hers in a hurried frenzy, cutting off her gasp of surprise. The kiss is hungry, almost desperate. If she pushed him away, he would have stopped, but she moans in relief and buries her fingers in his hair.

He's wild. His hands tug and tear and possess. Her back hits against the kitchen counter and he lifts her on it, furiously attacking her with kisses that almost bruise her skin. She whimpers when he violently pulls her jacket off and her fingers grab at his button-up. All the anger and the hurt find their way out as she lets the fabric rip between her fingers, a few of the buttons ending up on the floor. He returns the favour and she discards the few scrapes of her shirt in a swift second.

There is a split second there, where he looks at her, searching for doubt or non-consent, but he doesn't find it. There is only heat, and lust, and arousal, and a little bit of anger.

She arches her back against him involuntarily, moaning his name when his teeth scrape down her throat, over her breast. He tugs at her bra until he managed to pull it off, not even bothering with the clasp. He sucks greedily, starved for the taste of her, after a week without it. He lifts her to pull her jeans off with an experienced move, pulling her underwear along with them.

She goes for the buckle of his belt, but instead he pulls her legs apart, sliding her forward on the counter. His tongue plunges into her, assaulting all her senses. She gasps in shock and her fingers clutch his hair. His hands hold onto her hips with a painful grasp, but she's unable to feel anything but pleasure. The climax slams into her like a closed fist, with a brutal force, and she cries out. But the need is not gone, it's only worse. She pulls at his bare skin to pull him up with frantic need.

She can still taste herself on his lips when he kisses her. Her fingers go for his belt again, managing to open the buckle. She hooks her fingers behind the fabric, pushing it down. He has stopped now, briefly, letting her take some of the control back. Her questioning hands find his erection, sliding her fingers over it. He groans in pleasure and pulls her closer, driving himself inside her hard, setting up an impossible pace. Her heels dig into his back. Her arms are wrapped around him, making it possible for him to go deeper.

He watches her as she plummets over the final, vicious peak. Her eyes cloud and go dark and her muscles contract around him, her fingers leave red marks as they scratch his back.

With something dangerously close to pain, he empties himself into her.

* * *

She has so many things to say, but to say them while she completely naked and completely spent, sitting on her kitchen counter, seems wrong. So she's quiet. Her head feels impossibly heavy, and she leans on him for support, feeling his breathing normalizing. She breathes in his scent, memorizing it in case she doesn't get another chance to.

She needs a couple more seconds before she can feel her legs. She needs a shower. Jay joins her, telling himself it's only practical. They both need a shower, so it's good for the environment.

She makes him come again in the shower, returning the previous favour, kneeling in front of him while the water runs down. His moans and her screams echo through the small bathroom when he takes her again, pushing her back into the wall. Then once more in the bed, with her wet hair spread around her head like a halo.

They fall asleep before either of them manages to say anything, exhaustion taking over them and they both finally sleep.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

"I miss you."

They say it at the same time, the thing they were too damn proud to say before. She smiles and he pulls her against him, revelling in the way her body fits just right against him.

"You were right," she admits. "I do need to take a step back." She pauses for a second. There is something else he has to know. She swallows her fear and sits up in bed. She wants to look him in the eyes when she says it. He sits up at well, looking at her curiously.

"Some things came out wrong that night." He nods in agreement and starts to speak, but she stops him. "No, let me say this."

"Voight is not the only family I have. I want you to know, that despite all that I said, I do consider you my family, Jay." He nods, words somehow stuck in his throat.

"I know I didn't tell you what happened that night, and you've been considerate enough not to ask. I'm grateful for that," she admits and he nods again in acknowledgement of her words. "But I was wrong about one thing. I do need help getting through this."

She's exposed herself. Not her skin, though she's naked under the sheet wrapped around her. She has exposed her soul, her weakness. Asking for help and support has never been her strong suit.

"Let me take care of you," he murmurs and now she's the one nodding, a single tear making a way down her cheek. He can taste the saltiness when he kisses her, slowly this time, unrushed. His lips take away the pain, the despair.

"You left," she whispers, afraid of what this conversation might bring, but also aware that it needs to happen. Years of abandonment issues make their way to the surface, reflecting in her eyes.

"I was angry. I wanted to cool off before saying something I'd regret," he explains, surprised she needs the explanation at all.

"You needed a whole week?"

"No, a day. The rest was just pride," he admits.

"Damn pride," she agrees and they both chuckle.

"I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you say, or do. I'm not walking away." She sighs in relief and there is a brief pause. "I love you."

Her eyes widen, stunned. The fear is gone now from her eyes, replaced by the feeling of security. All her life, people have been abandoning her, one way or another, but sitting here in the middle of the bed, with morning light coming illuminating the otherwise dark room, she believes him. So the next words come out with a surprising ease.

"I love you, too." The words don't change anything. Not when she has loved him for so long.


End file.
